Everyday I hear the same question... "Mom, I'm hungry. What's for dinner?" What I want to say to my 12 year old son is "BAHAHAHAHA, great question!" What I do say of course is, "how about you suggest something?" I am not the world's most domestic woman you might say. Sure I can fold laundry like the military standards if prompted, and I can certainly cut the grass like a trooper! What I cannot do for the life of me is decide and produce a moderately fancy meal. I try.....I fake it half the time and my kids LOVE me because we check out a local restaurant at least once a week. There are a few recipes I can definitely produce. I do them well because I have taken the time at some point in my life, to produce these dishes to the best of my abilities. It has paid off, my husband's number one comfort food is my home made beef stew. This dish takes me 3 hours to make! Brian knows when he comes home from sea, that will be the first meal he eats. I take comfort in this tradition as I am old fashioned believe it or not, so why in the world can I not take comfort in the act of cooking? Am I alone in this failed attempt at domesticating myself? I am by far the opposite of Caroline Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie or of course the famous Julia Child. I did make a pact that I would serve my children only healthy foods while Brian is deployed. I have for the most part accomplished that without cooking everynight. I should introduce myself to the slow cooker or the Joy of Cooking. If I lived alone I would do very well on salads and soups. But I am a mom, a single mom right now... so I stand here looking into my refrigerator and once again, panic.
My 16 year old suggested she learn to cook and I thought GREAT! Bought her a cook book specifically for teens and I even bought strange ingredients that the receipes she chose required. I have YET to eat. :S Like mother like daughter I suppose. My 13 year old son realizes, being reminded regularly, that while Dad is away he is the "Man of the House".....so cook for me damnit!! LOL No, that's a poor attitude to have......It's my job, I am the Mom here, I guess that makes me the "cook".
This is just one of many obstacles I do not take pleasure in being responsible for now that I am "Single Parenting" for the next half a year or more. I want so desperately to buy a TV stand or a shelving unit for my remodelled bathroom.....screws and nails freak me out.....scare me.......what if I forget one? What if I hammer my hand? I agree, I should put my big girl panties on and be a woman.....take strength in knowing I am the sole survivor on Whitman Island during this deployment. I am still trying to come to grips with knowing if I want something completed now, I am on my own to do so.
That being said, it has become tradition in my home, that when hubby is deployed, I take on a project that I use as a distraction and a focus. It's very important in my opinion, to use deployment as a time to reflect on your own self, make positive changes and find a positive place to put your energy. Since cooking will not accomplish this feat, I must look elsewhere. Last time Brian went away, he came home to a remodeled ensuite bathroom. This time.....our bedroom.
I feel making a change is invaluable during this sort of a situation, when you are left behind to stare at your four walls. A fresh start can definitely re-set your mind and for me, it gives me a fabulous distraction to the everyday woes of the emotional heart ache that goes along with missing someone. I tend to work backwards which again, is OK. We all move forward in different patterns and pace. I started off on the right foot, the best foot...by doing none other than a day of retail therapy! Yes, I went shopping. I bought a gorgeous dresser with the promise to finish our bedroom. The problem was the dresser was to be delivered 3 days later. With my daughter's help, I completely renovated the room in record time! I am very happy with the results and I know my Sailor will be as well. I admit, he will HATE the bed set though! It is very frilly, but then again...........for the remainder of this deployment, the bed is all mine. Why not make it the way you want? This is the one time in my life I will not have to accommodate the male perspective! I have always wanted a frilly and flower patterned quilt. I am put in a position daily to be both Daddy and Mommy to our kids. I am presumed to be the "fixer", the "nurse", the "counsellor" and the "chauffeur". But I know that when the kids are tucked safely into bed, the house is clean and my Sailor is emailed, I can lay down in my big frilly pink bed and know that at the end of the day, I have some time alone to just be ME.
~M
~M
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