Confirmation

"One of the hardest parts of waking up in the morning, is remembering what you have been trying so hard to forget the night before"

     Reality continues to seep in.  This morning I awoke freezing cold..... alone.  Brian, my human heater, one that clearly my body temperature has become accustomed to, was definately "unplugged" so to speak this morning.  Not only was it Monday, a day nobody in the working world likes, but this Monday was particularly glum.  My internal clock woke me repeatedly last night and every time, a stab in my chest once again realizing I truly was alone.  In the wee hours of the morning is when I, under normal circumstances, start to worry about things and make mental lists of what needs to be paid, weeded, cleaned, and replenished in the fridge.   Now I am making lists of things that MAY go wrong, MAY break down and MAY even become too much for me to handle.  It becomes very clear it's ALL up to me now. 

     I spotted a nail inserted into the front tire of our new car today......lovely!  Received a call from my son while at work completely beside himself because he couldn't remove the memory card from the laptop.....beautiful!  Ordered a salad for lunch break, realizing I don't have my debit card on me or cash to pay.......awesome!  But these are the kinds of things that not only appear to come in threes, but remind me that I MUST take this day by day.  I cannot live with all the "what if's" when there are so many "now whats" appearing out of nowhere, needing immediate attention. 
     And then I come home.   The peaceful santuary I love to arrive at, the warm and inviting smile and smell of Brian's cooking, suddenly are replaced with cat litter, a teenaged boy and well.......you get my drift.  And amongst the new reality of what is "Home life" now, is a bouquette of my favourite flowers......freshly delivered and waiting for me.  It's the attention to details that I adore the most in my husband.  He KNEW I would hate coming home today....he KNEW I would feel alone even with my loving kids there waiting for me.....he KNEW me just as I am.  Taking care of me even hundreds of miles away is why I dont even think twice about living in this lifestyle.  It is full of ups and downs......surprises and the unknown.  But here I stand,  reading the simple note "I miss you already" and I am reassured again, why I chose this life, chose this man and thank God I am me.

~M